Submission 1 : Self Introduction Letter
Subject: Getting to know me
Dear Prof Brad,
Hello there, this is a short introduction to get to know me better. My name is Chen Jian Yeow, but friends and family usually address me either by Yeow or YeowYeow for short. Before serving my national service in the Singapore Civil Defence Force, I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in mechatronics and robotics. Away from my academics, I spend most of my time on my hobbies particularly watching movies. Because of this hobby of mine, I came across a movie called Blade Runner. The plot of the movie is about androids being almost indistinguishable from humans and it piqued my interest in the potential of robotics which let me to my many years of studies in robotics.
My weakness in communications would definitely be my ability to converse in small talks. I just find them at times unnecessary and awkward. I would rather have more thoughtful and engaging long in-depth conversations.
I believe my strength is being a confident speaker. In situations such as project presentation where audience size is small to medium, I would be able to speak clearly as long as I understand and agree with what I'm speaking on.
My goals for this module is to learn how to small talks to make it more bearable and less difficult when meeting people for the first time and learn to watch my tone while interacting with others as I've been told that I sound monotone at times.
Best regards,
Chen Jian Yeow
MEC1281 T6
Edited on 28 January 2021
Commented on: Shaun and Claire’s blog post
Hi Yeow,
ReplyDeleteGlad to know you better in the written letter above.
The letter is well written and clear for me to understand you more as a person.
The letter is structured in a clear and concise manner and is enjoyable to read it.
Thanks for sharing about yourself to us. :)
Dear Xian Sheng,
DeleteThanks for reading and sharing your comments!
Best regards,
Yeow²
"...spend most of my time on my hobbies particularly watching movies-"
ReplyDeleteOoooo that's an out. Or so you thought but,
"...plot of the movie about androids being almost indistinguishable from humans really piqued my interest in the potential of robotics which let me to my many years of studies in robotics."
Provides a link between the criteria of stating the reason for entering this field of study and the hobby, hence giving them the coherence.
Grade: S
"s-s-s-saaafe!"
All required points given and organised nicely. There are a few issues with the grammar, missing words here and there, and also the correctness of "My weakness in communications would definitely be my ability to converse in small talks". That's definitely a strength.
Dear Shaun,
DeleteThank you for your comments and highlighting points that i should take note of.
Best regards,
Yeow²
Dear Yeow,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this introductory letter. You cover the parameters of the assignment and illustrate with a few examples. I'm impressed by your love of movies, but I don't quite understand the explanation.
That's an issue throughout your letter: The communication needs revised so that the reader can fully grasp your story. Here are some issues to address:
1. sentence structure
-- Hello there, this is a short introduction... > (appropriateness of greeting & comma splice)
-- My name is Chen Jian Yeow, friends and family usually address me either by Yeow or YeowYeow for short. > (comma splice)
-- Away from my academics, I spend most of my time on my hobbies particularly watching movies and because of this hobby of mine which let me come across a movie called Blade Runner.
> (run on sentence) ?
-- Due to the plot of the movie about androids being almost indistinguishable from humans really piqued my interest in the potential of robotics which let me to my many years of studies in robotics. > (fragment/no subject-predicate structure)
-- My weakness in communications would definitely be my ability to converse in small talks, I just find them at times unnecessary and awkward, would rather have more thoughtful and engaging long in-depth conversations. > (comma splice)
My weakness in communications would definitely be my ability to converse in small talk. I find it at times unnecessary and awkward. I would rather have more thoughtful and engaging long in-depth conversations.
-- I believe my strength is being a confident speaker. in situations such as project presentation where audience size is small to medium, I would be able to speak clearly as long as I understand and agree with what I'm speaking on. > (capitalization) ?
2. other errors
-- I sound like I monotone at times > ?
Let's work on this, Yeow. I can see you have a lot to tell us, so you need to refine your ability to do that.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
DeleteThank you for your feedbacks.
I will correct and work on my mistakes.
Best regards,
Yeow
Nice to meet you Yeow.
ReplyDeleteI will just be straight forward so you wont have to read much.
Structure of sentences such as "Due to the plot of the movie about androids being almost indistinguishable from humans really piqued my interest...", and the next paragraph,
- when using "due to", your sentence should have 2 parts with a comma in the middle. Example: "Due to the plot .... from humans, I became interested in...."
- the first sentence in the next paragraph should stop at "small talks". Then, u should put "and" after the comma like so: "... unnecessary, and would rather..."
As you create a letter, try to complete your sentences in a way that you won't use in a conversation.
Things like your weakness, strengths, details about yourself, they all have evidences provided. Nice. Just be careful with your usage of words and punctuations, and improve the flow in each of your sentences, and in between them. Having 2 sentences that describes one thing is ok, and sometimes preferable to having 1 long sentence that will make the user feel breathless as he/she reads.
Dear Leonard,
DeleteThank you for leaving a comment on my post.
Your comments were taken note of, I will work on them.
Best regards,
Yeow